Damascus


A troubled heart troubled still as I walk in the valley of the shadow of death but Im the shadow of that valley as I strike them with one rod while another comforts them why wont they die as I strike them with My Left as your right upholds them all Ill kill them inhale Ill kill them exhale Ill kill them inhale so on and so forth I walk as the dust of My sandals covers their face while Mine is clean Mine is pristine following none but MySelf on this dusty Damascus road and
then—

a Light . . .
i’m Yours . . .

an Emanating Illumination
eliminating all i thought i knew.
a Light i’ll see no more until
i see Your Face again.

There-

in that Place where every taste
is satisfied;
every desire fully known,

and consummation here,
but until such appointed time
i wait . . .

and endure . . .

a darkness, a pain, a thorn:
a longing for the Light
that keeps me running-
keeps me racing.

a longing for the Light . . .
a longing for the Sight

that took mine,

but left me not in darkness
then, now, and nevermore.

The Sweet Taste of Sovereign Suffering, Pt. II


I’m in the process of writing why Christians take joy in suffering. In this post I hope to explain the second reason why suffering, tribulation, and even evil are the joy and delight of the Christian. The first reason was that all evil, suffering and calamity reveal the Glory of God, which is the delight of the Christian; and must be, for a Christian to be a Christian (See my last post, Part I)

This second reason is a little more difficult to explain. In my life, God revealed these truths to me in a very peculiar way that led to these truths becoming some of the most precious that my mind has ever grasped. It was a night of confusion and not comprehending the words of a great sister, only to finally understand it all the next morning as the Holy Spirit fell in my shower. This post is the fruits of that night I am so indebted to. I pray the Holy Spirit communicates through me these truths, and that they may lead you to a deeper joy for God.

After the aforementioned shower, I went to Starbucks to do my Bible study for the morning and ran across John 9:39, which reads: “Jesus said, ‘For judgment I came into this world, that those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind.'” If you click the link, you can get more context from Scripture, but Jesus goes on to tell the Pharisees that sight is metaphorical for salvation, obviously. Why is this verse, so profound?

Jesus is pretty much saying that his “judgment” is the greatest benefit of all to some, because it brings them nearer to God; for others, it is to cast them as far from his presence as can be done. His judgment is the greatest gift to those who believe in Him, but is the greatest curse for those who don’t. It’s a foreign concept in the church to worship God for his judgment. Who wants to rejoice in the sending of sinners to Hell? Romans 9:22-24 tells us that God’s Glory is revealed to those saved by the sending of sinners to Hell. His judgment reveals the Glory of God and opens our eyes to see it. Praise God!

[DISCLAIMERS: We can take comfort in the knowledge that this condemnation of sinners is just and righteous. Also, we can have no absolute knowledge as to who those people are that are condemned eternally, thus our preaching is not in vain, it brings about the expansion of the kingdom of God. So, PREACH, but take comfort that it is not based on you, your words, or even your motives whether someone is converted or not, and, remember that even if they are not, you can still praise God.]

In Romans 8:28-39, this principle is carried further. For sake of space, I won’t provide the text, just the exegesis, but please click the link and read it all. The main points are this: v.28 is the most precious and famous of all Bible promises. “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” That’s great, but what is the foundation of this? Why and how can we possibly believe this when we live in this world of suffering and pain? Verse 29 says that our assurance of this promise comes from our assurance of our election and salvation, but Paul doesn’t stop there. He knows this simple trust in God’s choosing and keeping of us doesn’t fully explain the foundation of v.28. I think that’s why he says next: “What, then, shall we say in response to this?” He answers with some of the most glorious truths in the Bible.

He tells us, because God is on our side, the usual system of fear and worry in suffering is destroyed in Christ. He says in verse 32 (this is the key verse for our purposes): “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” His grace will also give us all things. What did this grace first give us? It gave us a death, a suffering, a tribulation. The first and foundational gift of God’s Grace was a pain. Paul continues speaking of the foundation of this great promise by appealing to (of all things) the judgment of Christ – He is the one who condemns, which secures the power by which he can bring about that promise in our lives. The application of Romans 8:28 which is foremost in Paul’s mind as he is writing is then found in vv.35-39, and it is persecution, death, and tribulation! When Paul says that God will “give us all things,” he means all things – including suffering, tribulation, persecution, and even death. Not only that, that is what He gives “graciously.”

You see, just like we saw in John, all things that normally cause fear and heartache for all, for the Christian, are actually their greatest joy. This is because, just as in Christ’s judgment, all things good and bad are now merely our servants to bring us closer to God – even death. Whereas death is the greatest fear of man, after conversion, it is the things that propels him the deepest into the bosom of God he will ever be. Praise God!

So, in summary, all suffering, tribulation, pain, heartache, loss, judgment, and death we go through in this life is for the purposes of (1) revealing God’s Glory in this world, which believers so delight in, it is their joy, no matter the earthly cost; and (2) bringing us closer to Him, now that He has destroyed the system of fear and heartache in tribulation by making those “fearful” things our servants now to bring us to our Father.

I’ll end with this Psalm of Praise I found. I’ll just put selections up (the link has the whole thing), but pay attention to why it is all of Creation is rejoicing so much. I think you’ll find it “glorious.”

Psalm 96
Sing to the LORD a new song;
sing to the LORD, all the earth.
Sing to the LORD, praise his name;
proclaim his salvation day after day.
Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous deeds among all peoples.
Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name;
bring an offering and come into his courts.
Worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness;
tremble before him, all the earth.
Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;
let the sea resound, and all that is in it;
let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them.
Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy;
they will sing before the LORD, for he comes,
he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
and the peoples in his truth.

ahh, Selah

–paul<

The Portrait of the Artist as a Never Ending Series of Talks and Inside Jokes


I
She stands alone,
lost in a process she only knows;
the reflection staring back in silent contemplation
of a piece going God knows where.

The streets lie lifeless in her eyes;
those eyes
never hidden,
speaking more than lips ever could –
or will.

Imitation sincerest form:
The arm-enveloped laugh wins again.

It wins the hearts of those around her,
a victory bitter in her mouth as unintentioned
as the persual of a lover
far less worthy than she.

II
A treasure to behold,
lost in the circles that bind her.
Unaware of the weary travelers,
knocking at her door.

What reason? What allure?
Presumption guiding every step,
obsession ceasing pleasant passion
as strangers ask for more

and more.

Find the part, feel the skin.
The skin of scalp under fingers raw
from scratching doors leading to air?
Maybe this time?

To freedom.

Freedom from pain, freedom from drama;
just twist the lone lock of so many colors once more
between the fingers and

sleep well this night and rest your head,
let not the demons haunt thy muse
as musings cascade down rivers gold
in dreams,
of a love:
due praise, and
worth honor.

A love Love’s loathing has kept you from knowing
this, these nineteen years gone past.
“A hope deferred makes the heart sick;”
indeed it ever has, but
“a hope that is seen is not hope at all,
for who hopes for what she sees?”

“A desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”

I hope beside you this still dark night
that you find
that which you’ve been made to have
but have had not ever still.

That you settle not for swine
as you are the pearl that is cast.
The pearl unknowing and unawares, of that which
thrusts one’s own out of the sea and into the arms

of He.

your Love.

[NOTE: Part II of the previous post will come very shortly.]

The Sweet Taste of Sovereign Suffering


devil-jesus-arm-wrestle

I absolutely REFUSE to believe the following:

  1. I worship and believe in a God that spends half his time saying “Oh crap, did that just happen?” (Romans 8:28)
  2. Satan is just the evil version of God that pretty much has the same power and authority as Him. (Job 1:7-12; Zechariah 3:2; Matthew 16:23)
  3. God merely REACTS to the suffering Satan causes, thus making Satan pre-eminent and initiator of all bad things. (Isaiah 45:7)
  4. Every creature and being in all of the universe has a free will of self-determination EXCEPT God. (Isaiah 55:8-11)

Something that has been on my mind a lot lately, is this topic of God’s presence in a world full of suffering. Let’s face it: life is pain. You’re either coming out it, going through it, or about to enter into it. So . . . where is God in all of this?

We don’t worship a God that looks at the suffering of the world and says “Wow, that’s bad, someone should do something about that.” Rather, we worship a God that enters into this suffering and undergoes it Himself in order that His Will may be accomplished of saving His people and ushering them into His Glory.

My decision to finally get these thoughts down on the blog was because of an interesting message I read in my personal study of Micah. You can find some more context in Micah 2:1-5, here I give the verses of significance.

they oppress a man and his house,
a man and his inheritance.
Therefore thus says the LORD:
behold, against this family I am devising disaster,
from which you cannot remove your necks,
and you shall not walk haughtily,
for it will be a time of disaster.

The Hebrew word for “devising” can also mean “create,” “weave,” “fabricate.” The Hebrew word for “disaster” used here can also mean “evil.” So, this verse can reasonably read:

“Therefore thus says the LORD:
behold, against this family I am weaving together evil.”

If you want a more direct verse, look at Isaiah 45:6-7:

that people may know, from the rising of the sun
and from the west, that there is none besides me;
I am the LORD, and there is no other.
I form light and create darkness,
I make well-being and create calamity,
I am the LORD, who does all these things.

In both these passages, why is God directly weaving together and creating calamity and disaster? In the first passage we see that the intended result of this time of “disaster” is that the Israelites would no longer “walk haughtily” – or in other words: Discipline and Sanctification of God’s people. In the second passage, we see that the LORD is doing these things so that everyone may know that there is no other God but Him, and that He is in control – or in other words: Revelation and Communication of God’s eternal Attributes and Being. How does it do that? Suffering and evil cause something deep inside of us to want to cry out “No!” because something inside of us just knows that it isn’t the way it is supposed to be. Suffering shows us how fallen the world is and how unlike it was originally created to be. So, from these passages we can conclude three primary reasons for suffering, as it is caused by God Himself:

  1. God’s Glory
  2. Our Holiness (God’s Glory in us)
  3. Further His Redemptive Plan (God’s Glory in History)

Where did I get that last one? The context of Isaiah 45 is that this is the passage where Isaiah is prophesying about (and to) the ruler that would free the Israelites from the Babylonian captivity 500 years (I think) later! He calls him by name and country: Cyrus, king of Persia. The opening lines of Chapter 45 are “Thus says the LORD to his anointed, to Cyrus.” He refers to a pagan king who never believed in God (as far as we know) and calls him “his anointed”! Cyrus is anointed because he was chosen by God to free the people and so God says in this passage that he is opening every door and using everything to bring Cyrus to this point to display His Glory in the world, because God will use whatever it takes to bring about the redemption of His Creation, a pagan unbelieving King, light, darkness, or calamity.

Also take note that in all those purposes, God’s Glory is the key to it all. God’s Glory is at the center through every pain, every atrocity, and every evil perpetrated in the world. How does this help us? Well, it can’t – naturally. It really only helps some of us. Those whose very nature has been changed so that it delights in the Glory of God more than the glory of themselves. The natural man cares more about himself than the Glory of God. That is what conversion is. Heaven is an eternal revelation of the infinite Glory of God, being poured into the finite beings. Heaven is not eternal just because that’s how long it is – no, Heaven is eternal because it will take that long to exhaust the storehouses of God’s Glory for us to experience. The problem is thus: when people are born, they care about and enjoy every OTHER thing but the Glory of God. So, conversion is (and must be) the process of changing someone’s very nature so that they now delight in the Glory of God! It is to prepare us for Heaven. What does this have to do with suffering?

Well, two things:

First and foremost, the complete canon of Scripture testifies to the fact that (a) God does ALL things with His Glory foremost in His mind (even love us), (b) He is the one who actively causes suffering, tribulation, and pain in the world, therefore (c) He does it all for His Glory, which the converted soul now delights in, thus the Christian can delight in suffering, trusting that it is revealing God’s Glory in Him/Herself, the World, and History.

[UPDATE TO THIS POST: I should probably give an operational definition to the phrase “Glory of God.” It’s a nice concept, but what does it mean? The best way I have found to define it is thus: The “Glory of God” is the external manifestations of the manifold perfections of God. If that is your passion in this world, then you are converted.]

The second reason this helps the Christian I will discuss at length in my next post, but I assure you, it is Glorious (no pun intended).

I know this is very rough and hard to follow and my case isn’t made very fully. I just knew this was going to be long enough, so I had to try and compact somethings. Really, if anyone wants more Scripture on this, just ask. There is PLENTY to go around. Also feel free to leave a question if you see some philosophical, logical, or exegetical holes in my thinking. I’m sure there is a lot. Please let me know.

I appreciate everyone that reads this blog, and love you so dearly. Until next time.

A Prose of Praise to the One who Saved Me.


Actually, this title is misleading. I know not what will come of this late night inspiration of necessitated typing. A prose? An essay? A treatise, perhaps? Ah, the leading of a Spirit whose word made the world! I sit here at my desk, 1:30am, and I just got home from work – a long 8 1/2 hour closing shift at a casual dining restaurant. I smell like smoke, I feel like grease, and all I can think about is getting all this out into the world for all to read.

God has been so amazing. Ushering me into a time of effectual Grace, intimacy, and stilling, I know not what He’s doing and why. I have to wake Him often from the cabin of the boat of my soul to step out and calm the storms – those torrid uprisings of emotions, pains, doubts, fears – the sea foam blocks my view, the winds push me about, but still, still my God rescues me. He has been drawing me to an intimacy I’ve never known. The intimacy of one alone on a wooded path that curves so sharply at every bend, you never know what’s coming – though you know where it’s going the whole time. I recall the first theological dilemma my developing mind ever tried to grasp and couldn’t. Not the usual trinity, eternity, or who created God, but the verses in 1 John that talk of God being in us, and we in Him at the same time. What? I walk down this path alone but never by myself as an Incarnation walks before me, a Father pushes behind me, and a Comforter stills me.

Ah, stills me.

That stilling of my soul that still stirs me now. Be still, my soul; be still. Ah, to feel the waves and storms turn to crystal waters reflecting the Glory of a God reflected in the sunset reflected in the water reflected in my soul. I love Him so little. I must have more. Daddy, give me more! Give me more! Be still, my soul; be still. Ah. . . to find one’s face upon the cold linoleum of a darkened night pillowed by tears flowing from a familiar hymn that carries with it more weight than it probably should but breaks you nonetheless because of recent reminisces of 2 1/2 months one is trying to forget. To see the God of the universe speak through the shuffle an Apple-gizmo-i-whatever to that damn song once more! to call God to Be Now My Vision and to Give Me Clean Hands as I try not to think of You and Me as My Soul Sings forevermore How Great You Are O God! Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty; who was and is and is to come!

As every facade by the hands of men comes crashing down about me, I’m quieted by the one support left still standing. A support that stands in silent adoration of the unfaltering faith of a broken woman who laid the foundation right. I stand on the shoulders of a Giant named Mama. Her faithfulness and prayers- the prayers she taught me- like the one when I was as young as five to always pray for my future wife. O my Beloved, how I long for you. So much more than I should. or should I? I don’t quite know. All I do know is that the faith of one woman is what will bring me to you in the glory of a Solomon, strong and worthy of trusting with your heart. Why did this typing turn to this topic? Am I meant to write these words? O God, if not, lead me to stop. Please stop me! Be still, my soul; be still. Daddy, speak through me as you will, as you want, as you must. Do this work. Oh Beloved, this is all for you – wherever, whoever, whenever if ever, you are. I’m meditating in the field. Draw your veil as I approach your beast of burden, led by One who works on my behalf to bring me to you. Why am I writing this? For whom? Me, or another? I don’t know.

Be still, my soul; be still.

The end is here as I prepare to fall more in love with the one whose Bride I am, for my next night of 60 minutes of time I give to His love letter, His praise, to Him. The time He has called me to only in the past few days, to give him 1/24th of my day devoted entirely to Him, everyday, to draw close to Him, or for Him to draw close to me – whichever. I am in Him, and He is in me.

I’m off to have couch time.

Daddy: still my soul; still my soul . . .

Until another restless night of meandering thoughts,

–paul<

Sorry for the L Word


[I wrote this a while ago, so no one get any ideas as to “certain interpretations”]

Is a hidden love a love at all?
For the sake or right, to fake not wrong,
are feelings feeling present pain
not aright, though actions wane?

For the sake of the past
shall the future lie in want-
lie in wait, for the past to become thus?
Become that?

That which aching hearts cry
and lie and die to, for the sake of a
grace yet to be revealed
though seen everyday:

in a glance, a look, a lasting lingering
lasting just too long. Or does it?

A grace found within a face whose frame
changes daily,
whose heart grows only deeper still as

his deep, and His deep, cry out for hers.

A Portrait of the Artist as God


dscf0039.jpg

Summer is over. The autumn rains
Have descended like tears from an invisible god.
I lie on this rock, the ringing of the isle’s name
                                                                    drips off my ear
along with the stampede of water rushing
                                                             rushing through the silence

Clothed with beauty,
                              I began to understand,
The source of Jupiter-Zeus
And begin to form my own mythology
Within the realm of reality

I see the personality of the wind
The fright of the trees
                                the whispers of the water
The art of the sky the song of nature
My altar erected
                        I now understand

The quiver of twigs
                            the movement of fingers
through the hair of some autumn goddess
Golden; beloved and adored above all the others.

Birds in silent homage,
                                  while sabbatical flowers fall.
I smell the smell of my sacrifice
                                               burning at the altar
of my gods and goddesses as I long to merge.
Be made a tree,
                        the breeze
                                        the ground.

To know and experience all that I love
As lovers
              in one embrace
One flesh of flesh
                          Dust of dust.

My heart in one accord, in that which I was made for
Worship of somethings someone anything
                                                             never nothing
In hopes of finding joy.
                                   But,
As I lie in the midst of beauty’s nature’s beauty
I grow sad because:
For although they knew him,
                                          they did not honor him as such
or give thanks to him,
                                but they became futile in their thinking,
and their foolish hearts were darkened.

Claiming to be wise,
                              they became fools,
and exchanged the glory of the immortal for images
resembling mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

Because they exchanged the truth about him for a lie
and worshiped and served the creation rather than
                                                                          the Creator.

And I am no different.

If We Could Only Lose Those Damned Pedestals


[From the famed statue of the goddess “Nike”]

So . . .
you’re so angelic that you don’t need
a head?
or arms?
or feet?
or a bra?

But . . .
you’re not so angelic that you don’t need
some wings?
a slip?
a pedestal?
or a belly button?

(Wait . . .
did you really have an umbilical cord?
because I dont’ believe you.)

And . . .
if gravity has no effect
(as evidenced by your gown and breasts)
what’s the need of wings?

Or . . .
are you as we all are:
created with questions concerning purpose,
and meaning,
and origin.

Always wanting to defy the forces pushing us down,
while lacking feet to do so;
Always attached to our pedestals that bind us.

Dear,


God,

How I love thee as I sin,

How I love thee as I cry;

How I love the as I look upon

The work your hands have made.


But I fear I fall more and more

In love with You for Your Works,

when

I want to fall in love with you.


Re: Dear,

I am in my works

I am He:

Who was,

and is,

and is to come.

I am.

I am He who gives mercy on whom I will,

And I have

opened your eyes

Given you life, given you freedom

And you have taken my mercy,

My favored child whom I love.


This, this Beauty before you: Take it.

I give freely to you; Love it.

Partake in all my Goodness- Taste it.


Come, rest thy head in me

My beloved child whom I love.

Yes, cry.

Feel it.

Feel me more in you,

and to you,

and through you.


Seek not me ( because you can’t).

Just fix your eyes,

open your arms,

and allow Me


To allure you with all that is before you;

Allow me to smash your idols as I

Whisper tenderly in your ear:

Sweet Everythings


Child,

I plea,

I cry,

I run,

I will,

I endeavor,

I die

That you will allow this burden to fall

And just taste

(that’s all you will need,

but return as you might,

To all Beauty I surround you with.)


Child, just taste and you will see

I am Good.


I do all things for the sake of my children,

Child.

I love you.


Enjoy,

How to be a Christian at Virginia Commonwealth University & Hopefully Maintain the Respect of those Around You


You will decide to go Virginia Commonwealth University after being accepted into both The College of William & Mary and Liberty University. Your school will want you to go to William & Mary. Your youth group will want you to go to Liberty.

You will–for a reason unknown to you–not go to William & Mary but never regret the decision for even a second. Your school friends will not care as much as you’d expect.

You will not go to Liberty because it is Liberty University, but you will tell people it’s because you couldn’t stand being in a place where everyone agreed with you. Your youth group will care much more than you’d expect. They will keep accidentally forgetting you aren’t going to God’s school, Liberty, but keep purposely forgetting you are going to Satan’s school, VCU.

First and foremost, upon arrival, understand that every word you say in some way, shape, and form can and will offend someone. You realize this is a fact; you get used to it and quit your whining.

Also, you will understand it is by the very nature of who you are that every word will be scrutinized, analyzed, and criticized for every error inherent in the words you say. Sometimes, they will find said errors. Understand that no, contrary to the victory smile on their faces, these moments do not amount to the complete and utter destruction of the past 2,000 years of Christian belief and thought.

Next, ignore last point and treat the survival of Christianity as the weight borne on your shoulders and only yours. Understand that yes, the whole of God’s will for the earth is in your hands to make or break.

Remind yourself again this isn’t true.

Never, ever under any circumstances use the a-word, the b-word, s-word, gd-phrase, or the worst of all: the f-words. (Note for the pagans, these words are: Absolutist, Book of Revelation, Sin Nature, Gays & Damnation, Fundamentalist & Falwell)

You will try your hardest to tell the liberal intellectual elitist feminist urban artists that you don’t think that voting Republican is a stated Christian virtue. They will not believe you and continue to call you closed-minded and spoon-fed by your parents to always vote Republican. You will grow accustomed to these phrases being applied to you. Other wonderful colloquialisms to look out for: intolerant, racist, misogynist, homophobic, Jew-hater, prideful, arrogant, radical, Mel Gibsonite, asshole, and “fucking God-lover.”

Every once and a while, to show people you are not a legalistic Pharisee- say a curse word. You shouldn’t use it as an expletive, though. Be sure to only use it sparingly to sprinkle conversation with colour. Make sure it’s funny.

Live with a Buddhist, an Atheist, and a Jew. You will get no sleep for the entire year you do so, but the parties, sex, and the food will make up for it. You will abstain from the first two activities. You will partake in the third. Again: you will partake in the third.

Do things that people wouldn’t expect Christians to do. These may include having gay friends, voting Democrat, watching rated-R movies, kissing girls, admitting you’re wrong, not judging people, talking about your sins and weaknesses, working on Sundays, being active in politics, giving money to people, forgiving people, missing church on a Sunday to help someone else, reading, and pretty much being a real, feeling, loving human.

You will go through many faith crises. You will be scared to tell anyone about them because the Christians will shame your doubt, and the Non-Christians will gloat in the seeming affirmation of their beliefs (or rather, disbeliefs). You will start to view yourself as isolated in the world, with only God and some feeble hope for a future earthly love beside you to keep you going.

You will constantly hear that people only use religion as a crutch. You will feel the violent urge to prove this wrong while God is whispering in your ear the entire time to just rest your head on His shoulder as He holds you and wipes away your tears. You relent, but not as often as you should.

You will need to always be right, always be strong, always be secure and interesting, never wavering in any of this lest those around you think they have stood victorious over Almighty God.

Embrace all this.

You will realize that God is God even if you are not.

You will realize that the pains of life you go through will help you relate to and love more people than you could ever imagine. They will become your joy in a strange, quiet, unspeakable way.

You will realize that God saves people; you don’t.

Weight upon weight, burden upon burden, will fall away as you see that you are meant to glorify this God by enjoying Him, being satisfied in Him, and rooting your joy and pleasure in Him, in an eternal, unshakeable place that no situation, power, or seemingly wise human can touch. This will make you happy.

Still, people will be offended by everything you say. They will either misunderstand or understand all too well that which you have tried to soften through tact. Tact will be both your best friend and worst enemy. Love to hate to love it.

Be sure to accept early on that the most sensitive issues are the ones that will come up the most: Free Will, Abortion, Homosexuality, and most of all, Hypocrisy.

You will slowly realize that every form of disbelief is rooted in a past pain inflicted on someone by a Christian, the Church, or seemingly by a misunderstood God. No disbelief is purely intellectual. You will see, it’s a heart issue, not a mind issue. You will spend almost all your time apologizing for all other Christians everyone has ever met, trying to be the one exception to the rule.

You will love dearly, and hurt greatly.

You will pray for those around you, late into the night, knees raw from the carpet beneath them, eyes red from the tears streaming down, and knuckles white from passion. The word that will come across your lips more than any will be “Why”. It will be answered rarely.

Still, you will go on. You will go on because your very will has been seized by a Sovereign stronger than you; because your very affections and desires have been changed, your spiritual taste buds delighting in the taste of the glory of God more than the glory of You. His glory just tastes so much better to your soul. You were made for this, meaning you will be more truly yourself by delighting in God than you ever were in fighting against Him.

Oh, and before it is forgotten, you must be told that you will learn all the various ways of saying you’re a virgin. “Proud v-card carrier,” “ridin’ the v-train,” ‘member of the v-club with a prime parking space beside the pool,” and “Yes, I’m a virgin” are some of the more popular ones.

Everyone will think your purity ring/promise ring/v-ring is a wedding ring. They will all ask about it. Form an answer early on and stay consistent; this will be easiest.

You will try to not ever sound “preachy” but passionate, but everyone will think you are preaching at them and will not like it. You will, inevitably, despite all your greatest efforts, speak too much, listen too little, and write “how to” guides that start off really funny, have way too abrupt of a tonal change half-way through and then become really serious, only to try and salvage some humor towards the end, probably to no avail.

Life will be good, because, as you will see, God is.

To sum up the experience, you will love and embrace the eccentricities of a meta-existential cognitive living with teleological features leading to a psychotheolgical eschatological perspective of its consummation being in an increasingly Christian hedonistic affective eternality.

In other words, you will be the only one that really understands the things that come out of your mouth, as absurd as they are. Get to know His words more. You will then know Love in all His depths, and from this, you will learn to love others as He has loved you,

and in that you will find the key to it all.

Good luck, and God speed.

[Note: this was an assignment I did for my Scotland Creative Writing Course. It is a stylized parody piece off of the famous “How to . . .” prose pieces from Lorrie Moore.]

The Bondage of the Will: An Exhortation to all Christendom


anastasis-resurrection-dead-hell
This post will primarily be a response to Tyler’s comment that the previous post on this site consisted of. A brief historical investigation surrounding the context of the piece I stole the title for this post from may help shed light on the passion I hope will come through.

[One quick note as a final point on the topic of the biases of the religious studies department at VCU: there is not a single full-time professor that is a professing Christian. All full-time professors in the religious studies department are either secular humanists or of other differing faiths.]

I want to put one more quote from Tyler on this post:

In reference to the other guy who posted here, Paul is an incredible orator and debater. He quite regularly makes atheists his unholy bitches on the record. He’s as committed to his faith as Stephen was, but he is smart enough to take you through an interesting dive into Judaism. His site can link you to some of the best arguments against the Bible on the face of the Earth, but the man is such an intellectual juggernaut that he builds a scaffold around the detractors, prays and then floats his way to the top.

The night I received this comment, I went to bed with the words “intellectual juggernaut” haunting my thoughts until I fell into my slumber. Sure, to an extent I was both flattered and encouraged by these words, but for the most part, I was deeply troubled and dismayed. I knew then that I needed to write this post.

This is to all Christians out there: I have known Tyler for over a year now, and consider him a dear friend and compatriot on this path called life. As he himself said in the comment, though, he is not a Christian, as most of my friends also seem to not be. We have had many, many talks. I have answered so many, many questions, read so many, many bible verses to him and for him and yet, he is not a Christian. Why?

It is true. I know a lot. I make it my business to know as much as I can about everything. I can theorize, postulate, formulate, philosphize, orate, debate, lecture, and preach with the best of them. I have read much, spoken much, debated much, and thought much. I can present the peculiar doctrines of the Christian faith in such form that little can stand up against it. I am indeed by all measures, forms, and fashions, an “intellectual juggernaut,” but what good has it done for Tyler? His soul now rests in the same state now that it did over a year ago. I have answered every question, withstood every refutation, stood in rooms surrounded on all sides by people differing in their beliefs from me in every way, shape, and form seeking only to see my demise, with him watching. I have presented the gospel in every way, with every scientific, psychological, historical, rhetorical, literary, philosophical, archaeological and spiritual backing, and to what end? None. As of yet.

My point in this whole post can be summed up thus: Christian, facts don’t save people, debates don’t save people, arguments don’t save people, intellects don’t save people, orators don’t save people, sermons don’t save people, philosophies and refutations don’t save people, nor do “intellectual juggernauts.” The Gospel of God by the power of the Holy Spirit through the atonement of Jesus Christ saves people. “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes.” (Rom. 1:16)

This Gospel of God has become so sweet and so precious to me in past year and a half, it pains me to see the affections of one I love so dearly, not turned to the only source of true delight in the midst of the inevitable sufferings life will bring. That is the Gospel. While we were yet sinners not seeking God, unrighteous not because of acts, but because of being; by nature children of wrath, who awoke every morning without God being their first thought, highest treasure, primary desire, most awe-inspiring thing, he sought us. He came and lived the life we were supposed to live and paid the price for the life we live now, so that those whose spiritual taste-buds are changed to have God and Christ be their sweetest desire, could be forever enthralled by Him, like 10, 000 sights of the supernova or the grand canyon. Not so that they could be delivered from pain and in that get joy and rest, but be given God Himself as our joy and rest so we can tread through the fires that all humans go through, not as a coping mechanism, but as a new being, rejoicing in all God gives them, good and bad.

Tyler, as I know you will read this, hear this: you are a vulgar, disgusting, evil man who has not only broken all the commandments of an eternal Creator, but also does not desire God, seek God, long for the grace of God to resurrect your dying soul and quench that eternal spiritual thirst for His life you know you need every time you ponder your life in the dark hours of the night before you sleep. Yet, though all this is true, God has found it to be His delight; His delight!; to see one such as yourself brought near to Him and have your affections changed so as to long for Him and receive Him as your joy and peace and happiness, that His “joy may be made complete in you,” that you may magnify his glory in this earth.

How can I say this with such confidence? Everything I just said is the story of my life. It is the story for every Christian walking this planet. It is the state of every Christian, at the point in their lives that their souls are called upon to see the revealed grace of God extended to them, to make them “white as snow,” and the make the only decision they possibly can: to long for God, and in that overflow want to obey Him. This is the Gospel that Jesus lived, breathed, and died. This is the Gospel that has saved every Christian since the dawn of time, from Abraham in Ur to Paul Burkhart in Richmond, VA to perhaps, Tyler Bass.

In summary, Christians, preach the Gospel, preach the Gospel, preach the Gospel! That is the only thing that can bring those we love to the only source and fountain of joy, peace,love, and rest they will ever desire, not our facts or knowledge.

Be not discouraged if you have not read every Lee Stroebel, Josh MacDowell, or C.S. Lewis book. Don’t feel useless or not “relevant” if people don’t call you an “intellectual juggernaut,” because those words will only haunt you as you realize the futility of all man’s wisdom, even that which defends God. How even that wisdom is only as good as God uses it to be. So desire that knowledge, seek it, but rely not upon it, for it is not the power of God for the salvation of all peoples. Only the sovereign work of God and the Holy Spirit can do that. So, preach what the Bible calls the “foolishness of God!” I mean, our savior died! According to the unChristian world, where’s the wisdom in that. It only goes to show you how this could not have been just “made up” by man. No human could ever come up with such a foolish story for a faith.

Only God could establish a story for redemption that was so wise beyond the perceptual framework of man that man would just have to push it off to the side and call it weakness and foolishness, when it has brought empires to their knees, for it is the power of God for the salvation of all those called to be His for His glory.

“For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given Him a gift that he might be repaid? For from Him, and through Him, and to Him are all things. To Him be glory for ever. Amen.”
–Romans 11:34-36

Regarding the seemingly bold statements made above about myself and my gifts. Christians, take note. I say all that in the Spirit of Paul when he said, “by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.” (1 Cor. 15:10) All that I have done, said, and lived before Tyler has not been I, but the grace of God within me. I take no credit for the gifts given to me, but I will in no way demean them for the sake of a post-modern misconception of what humility is. I have great gifts, but they are not of myself, nor for myself. They are for the glory of God for the joy of all peoples.

Tyler’s comments


Tyler wrote the following comment in response to my last post entitled “Engagement.” For some unknown reason, it is not showing up on the site, so to respect his thoughts, I’m posting it up. Also, my next post will be based on this; especially the last full paragraph. So enjoy; and, don’t worry, once exams are over, I will put the new post on the Psychotheology blog.
——————————————————————————-

I see what you mean about the religious studies department teaching fewer Christian courses here at VCU than Eastern Religion courses, but I guess at square one is more students’ knowledge of the Bible, the basic tenets of Christianity.

Christianity may not exactly be pop culture push-out fodder, but most people in the country (and the West for that matter) are familiar with the religion around here.

This bias is not simply limited to one against your beliefs, but also the English degree’s requirement and somewhat preference for “exotic” language classes. I still have to smack on some Caribbean literature courses.

Sure, fewer professed Christians teach Christianity here. However, the goal in even the Christian classes is to study peoples’ conception of God. After all, there’s always that personal Jesus stuff: someone to be your friend, someone whose there. I ask you to consider if more often Muslims teach Islam or if Taoists teach Taoism. I know of only two exclusively Islam-teaching professors here, and one is a Muslim unorthodox enough to recieve death threats and the other is a humanist.
I do not believe in the divinity of Christ, but I believe I understand, can relate to, and by moved to action by many facets of Christian philosophy and worldview.
In reference to the other guy who posted here, Paul is an incredible orator and debator. He quite regularly makes atheists his unholy bitches on the record. He’s as committed to his faith as Stephen was, but he is smart enough to take you through an interesting dive into Judaism. His site can link you to some of the best arguments against the Bible on the face of the Earth, but the man is such an intellectual juggernaut that he builds a scaffold around the detractors, prays and then floats his way to the top.

Any publishers out there, print this guy now, if just so I can write down his points to keep track of them.

Engagement


Just recently, I got an interesting comment in response to my new blog on “Psychotheology.” Here, I wish to engage with that comment and provide some thoughts on the matter. Marc said the following, separated into the following outline by myself for help in responding:

(1) The only place something like this would ever be taught is in a seminary school or a private christian college.
(2) I am not a religious person, but I understand how religious thinking encompases every facet of your life, this just isn’t the way to attain higher learning in a non biased place such as a public university.
(3) The psychology of religion is taught, but you can’t create a branch like the one you’re talking about, it has inherently far too many biases. A private christian school will obviously ignore these biases.
(4) If you ever do complete your book I will not read it as I already disagree with the basic premise (and don’t give me that “you’re being closed minded” crap, you wouldn’t read a book on the psychology of man’s relationship to the God Thor because you would think it was just as rediculous)
(5) but in any case I wish you the best of luck in your research and getting such a thing published.

In response to point (1), my original primary intention was not for the topic to necessarily be a course to be taught, just more of a philosophical treatise people could approach, discuss, ponder, engage with, argue with, burn, or accept as truth – whatever they so desired. But, now that you mention it, one of my passions is teaching and this would certainly be fun to teach. Of course, this works on the assumption that I am able to figure out a systematic enough of an approach that this could be done at all. If I am led to teach in the university setting, though, I don/t think I would go to a christian school or seminary. Seminaries already have courses such as “Religion as Applied to Psychology,” and “Biblical Counseling.” The only difference with mine is that I hope Psychotheology would be used more as an apologetic (defense of God) approach. I was actually thinking about this today. It seems when it comes to the discussion of God, there are three grounds on which the battle is fought: scientific (the world out there), philosophical (the world up there), and psychological (the world in us). Extensive attention has been given in the past 15 years or so to the scientific realm (one can reference the links to the side, anything by Lee Stroebel or Josh McDowell, or just ask me and I will answer it to the best of my ability). Specific attention has also been given to the philosophical realm by masterpieces such as C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity,” or the works of Soren Kierkegaard (whom I disagree with on many theological points, but nonetheless defends Christianity philosophically). I believe there has been a neglect in the area of psychological defenses of God, which I hope to attempt to fill. This defense has historically been left not to psychologists, but rather to theologians and mystics such as St. Augustine and Karl Rahner who either base all their views on subjective personal experience or by tailoring the psychological views of other famous psychologists to “fit” Christianity. I hope to wipe the slate clean of these and just start with the human mind.

2 – My first response is to wonder if there is such a thing as a “non-biased” university anywhere, secular or Christian. I know personally that my university is very, very secular, humanistic, and liberal in every way, shape, and form. In the religious studies department alone, such attention is given to “diversity” that if you add together biblical studies along with all general religion classes (such as World Religions, Ethics and Religion, and Psychology and the Religious Experience), that total would be less than than the classes dedicated to any ONE other religious studies concentration. In other words, there are more classes dedicated wholly to just Eastern Religions than there is to all Biblical Studies classes and General Religion classes COMBINED. Also, on staff, in the entire department, there are only TWO professing Christian professors actually teaching Biblical courses of any kind. The rest are taught by non-Christians. This wouldn’t be a problem except these two professors ONLY teach Christian courses. You dont find Chirstians teaching other religions as you do find other religions teaching Christianity.
Also, I do not consider myself a “religious” person either. Religion is the social construct comprised of rules, regualtions, punishments; it’s the “establishment.” I am not a part of that. I am part of the “family” that is comprised of all believers. To me, “the church” is not supposed to be a building, but a group of believing Christians, wherever they may be. Religion says, “I obey what God wants, therefore I am accepted by God.” I say (and the Bible says), “I am accepted by God, therefore I desire to obey.” Very different.
On your last point, I remember the president of the Honors Program at this University speaking to us Honors students upon my first week at University. He said the primary difference between lower education and higher education was that “lower education strives regurgitation of knowledge by the student, whereas higher education strives for creation of knowledge by the student.” That is what I am doing. Taking my life experience, knowledge (both biblical and secular), and observations and trying to create knowledge and fill a void that exists. That is higher education.

3 – The fact that ther are so many types of seminaries and “private christian schools” shows how they do not ignore these biases. That is why I put out in the open every perspective I am coming from so everyone can view my words knowing my inherent biases, and thus take them as is, not fearing any hidden agendas. Also, any introductory psych course will show you that the enitre field of psychology is reigned by bias and preference. Justr a simple matter as how one views the nature of man will affect every component of one’s psycholgical theory including therapy, training, and communication style (one need only compare Freud to Carl Rogers). No field is completely void of biases, be it science, philosophy, art, medicine, or advertising; but beside that point, when did one’s preconcieved slant suddenly mean that what one said suddenly lost all authority. If we only sought out the words of those who were free of bias we would be a very knowledgeless people – the type that would use the word “knowledgeless” for example. I strive to not put the Bible through the filter of my bias, rather, I put my bias thourgh the filter of my Bible. Believing the Bible to be the inspired Word of God, means that if I make my bias the same as the bias that the Creator of the Universe onbiovusly has, I am on pretty authoritative and sound footing.

4 – First off, as I said in response to the priginal commment, I never use the whole “you have a close mind” cop out. I’d rather actually deal with whatever the real issue is at hand and potentially get messy. And actually, I have read up on the psychology of man’s relationship to ancient gods. I actually think Thor may have been one of the examples. It was from the perspective of explainign different views on the source of religious faith, be it in God or Zeus or Thor. It showed me that all through history man has had this inherent urge to worship one outside of himself. Now, most would see this as a crutch. People are afraid to die, so they believe in an afterlife; people are afraid of a purely random universe so they construct a big guy who can control everything. But, I ask you this: assuming that a Creator-God does exist that desires to have inimate personal fellowship with humans, how would you expect the psychologies of humans to be any different? If a God did exist, would man no longer ponder an afterlife? Would man suddenly not be most fulfilled when in union with the Creator of the Universe? Would he not desire, want, and need to lean on something (or Someone) more trustworthy, consistent, and strong than themselves? To put it in the words of C.S. Lewis: “How would one know the universe was meaningless if it really had no meaning?” Just like “how would we know that there was darkenss, without some knowledge of the existence of light?” Also, the Bible says that we are crippled and dead in our sin before an Almighty God. If I am crippled, I’m going to want a crutch to lean on. Lastly, maybe – just maybe – someone’s disbelief may be just as much of a psychological crutch to them as they think my belief in God is.

5 – Thank you, and Marc, if you do read this, I’m sorry I turned such a simple comment into such an extensive “treatise” of sorts. I can assure you, I realyl didn’t “snap” or get mad and angry at the words you spoke. They were very thougth provoking and provided a good outline to present some thoughts that had been running thorugh my head. I would love to know any thoughts, refutations, insults, mockeries, witicisms, or sincerities you may have toward what little you know of me, my blogs, my thoughts, or my faith. I would love to try and answer anything you write to the best of my ability, even if it is from the motive of pure interest, with no debate required. If you don’t mind, I’ll be praying for you and also, I’m sorry for any hurt you may have endured at the hands of Christians, Christianity, or the Church. I assure you, that is not the way true Christianity is supposed to be, and I wish to offer the idea to you that the
truth of a faith can stand independently of the actions of its supposed followers.

God Bless
–paul<

Just read this


In my Old Testament class, we just finished a unit on the prophets. During that unit, I had the privilege of reading Hosea. Now, I did my own personal study on the minor prophets a while ago, and by far, Hosea is my favorite. I think it may well be my favorite book in the whole Bible, and this is primarily because of Chapter 2. Thus, I wish to post may favorite selections of Chapter 2. Here, God is using the metaphor of husband and wife to show the outworking of his relationship with Israel: God is the husband and his wife is Israel. When Israel worships other deities (in this case, the Baals), God considers it adultery, but when they worship him, it is consummation. This parallels to the rest of the church today, so count yourself in the reciept of these words if you have been seized upon by the gospel of God.

CONTEXT: God has just called the prophet Hosea to act out God’s feelings towards Israel by marrying a prostitute and then sending her away after she cheats on him, just as God has done with Israel it this point. Just sense the passion God has as he says these things. The following are selections from Hosea 2. For the full text, click here:

Plead with your mother, plead–
for she is not my wife,
and I am not her husband–
that she put away her whoring from her face,
and her adultery from between her breasts.
Upon her children I will have no mercy,
because they are children of whoredom.
For their mother has played the whore;
she who conceived them has acted shamefully.
For she said, ‘I will go after my lovers.”
Therefore I will hedge up her way with thorns,
and I will build a wall against her,
so that she cannot find her paths.
She shall pursue her lovers
but not overtake them,
and she shall seek them
but shall not find them.

Then she shall say,
‘I will go and return to my first husband,
for it was better for me then than now.’
And she did not know
that it was I who gave her
the grain, the wine, and the oil,
and who lavished on her silver and gold,
which they used for Baal.

Therefore I will take back
my grain in its time,
and my wine in its season,
and I will take away my wool and my flax,
which were to cover her nakedness.
Now I will uncover her lewdness
in the sight of her lovers,
and no one shall rescue her out of my hand.
And I will lay waste her vines and her fig trees,
of which she said,
‘These are my wages,
which my lovers have given me.’
I will make them a forest,
and the beasts of the field shall devour them.
And I will punish her for the feast days of the Baals
when she burned offerings to them
and adorned herself with her ring and jewelry,
and went after her lovers
and forgot me, declares the LORD.

Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.
And there I will give her her vineyards
and make the Valley of trouble a door of hope.
And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth,
as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.

And in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer will you call me ‘My Baal.’ For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more. And I will make for them a covenant on that day with the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the creeping things of the ground. And I will abolish the bow, the sword, and war from the land, and I will make you lie down in safety. And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD.

And in that day I will answer, declares the LORD,
I will answer the heavens,
and they shall answer the earth,
and the earth shall answer the grain, the wine, and the oil,
and I will sow her for myself in the land.
And I will have mercy on those I called ‘No Mercy’,
and I will say to those called ‘Not My People’, ‘You are my people’;
and he shall say, ‘You are my God.'”

**Some punctuation and preposotions have been changed for continuity.

–paul<