Psychology

If We Could Only Lose Those Damned Pedestals

/ Paul Burkhart / Leave a comment

[From the famed statue of the goddess “Nike”]

So . . .
you’re so angelic that you don’t need
a head?
or arms?
or feet?
or a bra?

But . . .
you’re not so angelic that you don’t need
some wings?
a slip?
a pedestal?
or a belly button?

(Wait . . .
did you really have an umbilical cord?
because I dont’ believe you.)

And . . .
if gravity has no effect
(as evidenced by your gown and breasts)
what’s the need of wings?

Or . . .
are you as we all are:
created with questions concerning purpose,
and meaning,
and origin.

Always wanting to defy the forces pushing us down,
while lacking feet to do so;
Always attached to our pedestals that bind us.

How to be a Christian at Virginia Commonwealth University & Hopefully Maintain the Respect of those Around You

/ Paul Burkhart / 1 Comment

You will decide to go Virginia Commonwealth University after being accepted into both The College of William & Mary and Liberty University. Your school will want you to go to William & Mary. Your youth group will want you to go to Liberty.

You will–for a reason unknown to you–not go to William & Mary but never regret the decision for even a second. Your school friends will not care as much as you’d expect.

You will not go to Liberty because it is Liberty University, but you will tell people it’s because you couldn’t stand being in a place where everyone agreed with you. Your youth group will care much more than you’d expect. They will keep accidentally forgetting you aren’t going to God’s school, Liberty, but keep purposely forgetting you are going to Satan’s school, VCU.

First and foremost, upon arrival, understand that every word you say in some way, shape, and form can and will offend someone. You realize this is a fact; you get used to it and quit your whining.

Also, you will understand it is by the very nature of who you are that every word will be scrutinized, analyzed, and criticized for every error inherent in the words you say. Sometimes, they will find said errors. Understand that no, contrary to the victory smile on their faces, these moments do not amount to the complete and utter destruction of the past 2,000 years of Christian belief and thought.

Next, ignore last point and treat the survival of Christianity as the weight borne on your shoulders and only yours. Understand that yes, the whole of God’s will for the earth is in your hands to make or break.

Remind yourself again this isn’t true.

Never, ever under any circumstances use the a-word, the b-word, s-word, gd-phrase, or the worst of all: the f-words. (Note for the pagans, these words are: Absolutist, Book of Revelation, Sin Nature, Gays & Damnation, Fundamentalist & Falwell)

You will try your hardest to tell the liberal intellectual elitist feminist urban artists that you don’t think that voting Republican is a stated Christian virtue. They will not believe you and continue to call you closed-minded and spoon-fed by your parents to always vote Republican. You will grow accustomed to these phrases being applied to you. Other wonderful colloquialisms to look out for: intolerant, racist, misogynist, homophobic, Jew-hater, prideful, arrogant, radical, Mel Gibsonite, asshole, and “fucking God-lover.”

Every once and a while, to show people you are not a legalistic Pharisee- say a curse word. You shouldn’t use it as an expletive, though. Be sure to only use it sparingly to sprinkle conversation with colour. Make sure it’s funny.

Live with a Buddhist, an Atheist, and a Jew. You will get no sleep for the entire year you do so, but the parties, sex, and the food will make up for it. You will abstain from the first two activities. You will partake in the third. Again: you will partake in the third.

Do things that people wouldn’t expect Christians to do. These may include having gay friends, voting Democrat, watching rated-R movies, kissing girls, admitting you’re wrong, not judging people, talking about your sins and weaknesses, working on Sundays, being active in politics, giving money to people, forgiving people, missing church on a Sunday to help someone else, reading, and pretty much being a real, feeling, loving human.

You will go through many faith crises. You will be scared to tell anyone about them because the Christians will shame your doubt, and the Non-Christians will gloat in the seeming affirmation of their beliefs (or rather, disbeliefs). You will start to view yourself as isolated in the world, with only God and some feeble hope for a future earthly love beside you to keep you going.

You will constantly hear that people only use religion as a crutch. You will feel the violent urge to prove this wrong while God is whispering in your ear the entire time to just rest your head on His shoulder as He holds you and wipes away your tears. You relent, but not as often as you should.

You will need to always be right, always be strong, always be secure and interesting, never wavering in any of this lest those around you think they have stood victorious over Almighty God.

Embrace all this.

You will realize that God is God even if you are not.

You will realize that the pains of life you go through will help you relate to and love more people than you could ever imagine. They will become your joy in a strange, quiet, unspeakable way.

You will realize that God saves people; you don’t.

Weight upon weight, burden upon burden, will fall away as you see that you are meant to glorify this God by enjoying Him, being satisfied in Him, and rooting your joy and pleasure in Him, in an eternal, unshakeable place that no situation, power, or seemingly wise human can touch. This will make you happy.

Still, people will be offended by everything you say. They will either misunderstand or understand all too well that which you have tried to soften through tact. Tact will be both your best friend and worst enemy. Love to hate to love it.

Be sure to accept early on that the most sensitive issues are the ones that will come up the most: Free Will, Abortion, Homosexuality, and most of all, Hypocrisy.

You will slowly realize that every form of disbelief is rooted in a past pain inflicted on someone by a Christian, the Church, or seemingly by a misunderstood God. No disbelief is purely intellectual. You will see, it’s a heart issue, not a mind issue. You will spend almost all your time apologizing for all other Christians everyone has ever met, trying to be the one exception to the rule.

You will love dearly, and hurt greatly.

You will pray for those around you, late into the night, knees raw from the carpet beneath them, eyes red from the tears streaming down, and knuckles white from passion. The word that will come across your lips more than any will be “Why”. It will be answered rarely.

Still, you will go on. You will go on because your very will has been seized by a Sovereign stronger than you; because your very affections and desires have been changed, your spiritual taste buds delighting in the taste of the glory of God more than the glory of You. His glory just tastes so much better to your soul. You were made for this, meaning you will be more truly yourself by delighting in God than you ever were in fighting against Him.

Oh, and before it is forgotten, you must be told that you will learn all the various ways of saying you’re a virgin. “Proud v-card carrier,” “ridin’ the v-train,” ‘member of the v-club with a prime parking space beside the pool,” and “Yes, I’m a virgin” are some of the more popular ones.

Everyone will think your purity ring/promise ring/v-ring is a wedding ring. They will all ask about it. Form an answer early on and stay consistent; this will be easiest.

You will try to not ever sound “preachy” but passionate, but everyone will think you are preaching at them and will not like it. You will, inevitably, despite all your greatest efforts, speak too much, listen too little, and write “how to” guides that start off really funny, have way too abrupt of a tonal change half-way through and then become really serious, only to try and salvage some humor towards the end, probably to no avail.

Life will be good, because, as you will see, God is.

To sum up the experience, you will love and embrace the eccentricities of a meta-existential cognitive living with teleological features leading to a psychotheolgical eschatological perspective of its consummation being in an increasingly Christian hedonistic affective eternality.

In other words, you will be the only one that really understands the things that come out of your mouth, as absurd as they are. Get to know His words more. You will then know Love in all His depths, and from this, you will learn to love others as He has loved you,

and in that you will find the key to it all.

Good luck, and God speed.

[Note: this was an assignment I did for my Scotland Creative Writing Course. It is a stylized parody piece off of the famous “How to . . .” prose pieces from Lorrie Moore.]

Engagement

/ Paul Burkhart / 2 Comments

Just recently, I got an interesting comment in response to my new blog on “Psychotheology.” Here, I wish to engage with that comment and provide some thoughts on the matter. Marc said the following, separated into the following outline by myself for help in responding:

(1) The only place something like this would ever be taught is in a seminary school or a private christian college.
(2) I am not a religious person, but I understand how religious thinking encompases every facet of your life, this just isn’t the way to attain higher learning in a non biased place such as a public university.
(3) The psychology of religion is taught, but you can’t create a branch like the one you’re talking about, it has inherently far too many biases. A private christian school will obviously ignore these biases.
(4) If you ever do complete your book I will not read it as I already disagree with the basic premise (and don’t give me that “you’re being closed minded” crap, you wouldn’t read a book on the psychology of man’s relationship to the God Thor because you would think it was just as rediculous)
(5) but in any case I wish you the best of luck in your research and getting such a thing published.

In response to point (1), my original primary intention was not for the topic to necessarily be a course to be taught, just more of a philosophical treatise people could approach, discuss, ponder, engage with, argue with, burn, or accept as truth – whatever they so desired. But, now that you mention it, one of my passions is teaching and this would certainly be fun to teach. Of course, this works on the assumption that I am able to figure out a systematic enough of an approach that this could be done at all. If I am led to teach in the university setting, though, I don/t think I would go to a christian school or seminary. Seminaries already have courses such as “Religion as Applied to Psychology,” and “Biblical Counseling.” The only difference with mine is that I hope Psychotheology would be used more as an apologetic (defense of God) approach. I was actually thinking about this today. It seems when it comes to the discussion of God, there are three grounds on which the battle is fought: scientific (the world out there), philosophical (the world up there), and psychological (the world in us). Extensive attention has been given in the past 15 years or so to the scientific realm (one can reference the links to the side, anything by Lee Stroebel or Josh McDowell, or just ask me and I will answer it to the best of my ability). Specific attention has also been given to the philosophical realm by masterpieces such as C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity,” or the works of Soren Kierkegaard (whom I disagree with on many theological points, but nonetheless defends Christianity philosophically). I believe there has been a neglect in the area of psychological defenses of God, which I hope to attempt to fill. This defense has historically been left not to psychologists, but rather to theologians and mystics such as St. Augustine and Karl Rahner who either base all their views on subjective personal experience or by tailoring the psychological views of other famous psychologists to “fit” Christianity. I hope to wipe the slate clean of these and just start with the human mind.

2 – My first response is to wonder if there is such a thing as a “non-biased” university anywhere, secular or Christian. I know personally that my university is very, very secular, humanistic, and liberal in every way, shape, and form. In the religious studies department alone, such attention is given to “diversity” that if you add together biblical studies along with all general religion classes (such as World Religions, Ethics and Religion, and Psychology and the Religious Experience), that total would be less than than the classes dedicated to any ONE other religious studies concentration. In other words, there are more classes dedicated wholly to just Eastern Religions than there is to all Biblical Studies classes and General Religion classes COMBINED. Also, on staff, in the entire department, there are only TWO professing Christian professors actually teaching Biblical courses of any kind. The rest are taught by non-Christians. This wouldn’t be a problem except these two professors ONLY teach Christian courses. You dont find Chirstians teaching other religions as you do find other religions teaching Christianity.
Also, I do not consider myself a “religious” person either. Religion is the social construct comprised of rules, regualtions, punishments; it’s the “establishment.” I am not a part of that. I am part of the “family” that is comprised of all believers. To me, “the church” is not supposed to be a building, but a group of believing Christians, wherever they may be. Religion says, “I obey what God wants, therefore I am accepted by God.” I say (and the Bible says), “I am accepted by God, therefore I desire to obey.” Very different.
On your last point, I remember the president of the Honors Program at this University speaking to us Honors students upon my first week at University. He said the primary difference between lower education and higher education was that “lower education strives regurgitation of knowledge by the student, whereas higher education strives for creation of knowledge by the student.” That is what I am doing. Taking my life experience, knowledge (both biblical and secular), and observations and trying to create knowledge and fill a void that exists. That is higher education.

3 – The fact that ther are so many types of seminaries and “private christian schools” shows how they do not ignore these biases. That is why I put out in the open every perspective I am coming from so everyone can view my words knowing my inherent biases, and thus take them as is, not fearing any hidden agendas. Also, any introductory psych course will show you that the enitre field of psychology is reigned by bias and preference. Justr a simple matter as how one views the nature of man will affect every component of one’s psycholgical theory including therapy, training, and communication style (one need only compare Freud to Carl Rogers). No field is completely void of biases, be it science, philosophy, art, medicine, or advertising; but beside that point, when did one’s preconcieved slant suddenly mean that what one said suddenly lost all authority. If we only sought out the words of those who were free of bias we would be a very knowledgeless people – the type that would use the word “knowledgeless” for example. I strive to not put the Bible through the filter of my bias, rather, I put my bias thourgh the filter of my Bible. Believing the Bible to be the inspired Word of God, means that if I make my bias the same as the bias that the Creator of the Universe onbiovusly has, I am on pretty authoritative and sound footing.

4 – First off, as I said in response to the priginal commment, I never use the whole “you have a close mind” cop out. I’d rather actually deal with whatever the real issue is at hand and potentially get messy. And actually, I have read up on the psychology of man’s relationship to ancient gods. I actually think Thor may have been one of the examples. It was from the perspective of explainign different views on the source of religious faith, be it in God or Zeus or Thor. It showed me that all through history man has had this inherent urge to worship one outside of himself. Now, most would see this as a crutch. People are afraid to die, so they believe in an afterlife; people are afraid of a purely random universe so they construct a big guy who can control everything. But, I ask you this: assuming that a Creator-God does exist that desires to have inimate personal fellowship with humans, how would you expect the psychologies of humans to be any different? If a God did exist, would man no longer ponder an afterlife? Would man suddenly not be most fulfilled when in union with the Creator of the Universe? Would he not desire, want, and need to lean on something (or Someone) more trustworthy, consistent, and strong than themselves? To put it in the words of C.S. Lewis: “How would one know the universe was meaningless if it really had no meaning?” Just like “how would we know that there was darkenss, without some knowledge of the existence of light?” Also, the Bible says that we are crippled and dead in our sin before an Almighty God. If I am crippled, I’m going to want a crutch to lean on. Lastly, maybe – just maybe – someone’s disbelief may be just as much of a psychological crutch to them as they think my belief in God is.

5 – Thank you, and Marc, if you do read this, I’m sorry I turned such a simple comment into such an extensive “treatise” of sorts. I can assure you, I realyl didn’t “snap” or get mad and angry at the words you spoke. They were very thougth provoking and provided a good outline to present some thoughts that had been running thorugh my head. I would love to know any thoughts, refutations, insults, mockeries, witicisms, or sincerities you may have toward what little you know of me, my blogs, my thoughts, or my faith. I would love to try and answer anything you write to the best of my ability, even if it is from the motive of pure interest, with no debate required. If you don’t mind, I’ll be praying for you and also, I’m sorry for any hurt you may have endured at the hands of Christians, Christianity, or the Church. I assure you, that is not the way true Christianity is supposed to be, and I wish to offer the idea to you that the
truth of a faith can stand independently of the actions of its supposed followers.

God Bless
–paul<

Biblical Psychology

/ Paul Burkhart / 3 Comments

For anyone venturing here for the first time, the previous two posts were merely to help host pictures to put on other sites. Go further back for actual blogging.

Also, I have a new blog up. This will still be the forum for my theological and personal “rants” and dissertations, don’t worry; but I do have a blog now for my thoughts, insites, revelations, and analyses on the interaction between the Psyhcologies of Human beings and their Maker. I call this “Psychotheology” and I am in the process of formulating the sytematic approach to it to write a book on that topic. This blog is to help create that. Here is the site:

  • www.biblepsych.blogspot.com

    • Make a note, make a bookmark and enjoy. As usual, I welcome thoughts, arguments, insites, and wit from those interested enough to give it. God bless and be edified (I pray).

    –Paul<

    love and marriage

    / Paul Burkhart / 1 Comment

    The thing that God has been working in me the most for the past 4 to 6 months or so is how to be the perfect husband. I have often said that at the end of my life, I will be completely satisfied and content with all that I have done if I have done just two things: Made God happy, and made a woman happy. Both of those things are things that very few men ever accomplish in this life, and I strive to be one that does. So many people can’t understand it when I say this, but I am so in love with my future wife right now, whoever she may be. I have no idea if I have met her, talked to her, seen her, or not; I just know that i am so in love with her right now.

    Now, I’m a very strong believer in the fact that some people are just not called to ever marry. But I am convinced that God has been working in me in such a way as to tell me that I will be married to a woman of his choosing, and this has my heart, body , and soul in a daze of healthy anticipation. I just can’t wait for her to come my way, but I can. You know what I mean. Just think about it:

    In Ephesians 5, it is made very clear to us that marriage is meant to be a perfect representation of God’s relationship with the church; that is it’s purpose. So, God, being perfect in his wisdom and knowledge, in forging my life (if a wife is intended for me), has picked out a wife for me that is the only one that can have the ability to help me represent his perfect relationship with the church in all its fullness, beauty, and glory. Thus supporting my idea that it is possible to have a God-glorifying marriage that is a perfect symbol of God’s relationship with the church, because, as stated earlier, that is its purpose. I am so excited. Just think of how perfect she will be for me and I for her. I know the glorfication of God isn’t going to just “happen” in a marriage – it is hard work, but I am ready for it. When the time comes, and when God calls me to it. He hasn’t called to marriage right now, but he is definitely working in me. Work on, God.

    So, anyway, for the next few posts over the next few days, I will go through the Bible and point out the verse that show characteristics of the Godly woman I am looking for and then what a Godly man should be.

    God Bless as usual,
    –Paul<

    just read

    / Paul Burkhart / Leave a comment

    I couldn’t think of any non-cliche title for this post, hence the simple interrogative imperative (is that even a possible grammatical construct?). If anyone even considers reading this whole post, I encourage you to do so. It’s really not as long as it seems seeing as there are many quotes that take up a lot of space.

    Any Christian out there knows that the Christian life is dynamic to say the least. The campus minister from my church is currently with many others from my church in Latvia doing missions work. We’ve exchanged a few E-Mails mainly about me mowing his lawn, but on the most recent E-Mail, I ended with this P.P.S.:

    P.P.S. – On a personal note; Ryan, I need your prayers so badly. Today was one of the worst days of my life. Nothing huge huge occurred it was just the entire day was just BAD. On my way to work I got into an accident (nothing too serious), was at fault, got a ticket, the other guy involved said his arm was hurt (possibly broken), and I had the worst customers I have ever had as a waiter. Add on top of that I am so distant from God. I am becoming more and more worldlier everyday and am falling deeper and deeper into lust,worry, and my new sin that I never thought I’d fall into: DOUBT. The thoughts of whether all this (God, Holy Spirit giftings, salavation,etc.) is real or if everything I experience with the Holy Spirit is all emotional and made up within my head. The thoughts come and go ever so slightly and silently, but they are there nonetheless and I have never gone through it before. My soul feels like it is reeling and I am being attacked by so much all around me and everything but God has control over me. I haven’t read God’s word in days, and the last time I did, it was completely dead to me for the first time that I can remember. You know, I don’t even know why I am complaining; I know exactly how to get out of this, I’m just not doing it. All I can ask for is your prayers, Ryan. I feel so alone, restless, bereaved,downtrodden, lost, confused, and directionless. Each day I feel weighted down more and more with the further realization of my carnality and sinfulness. Everything is starting to fall apart all around me in my life, and I’ve just let it happen. I am so tired, so weak. I want to pray for you guys so bad, and I’ve tried, but I just feel like I’m spouting words – that’s it! Dead lifeless words that really mean nothing. I know you have so many things in your life to worry about, and you are on a missions trip,but just please do it. I need that strength. Sorry for being so unoriginally whiney. I’m sorry if I unintentionally put too big or distracting a burden on your shoulders with this. Just stay the course and do what you’re there to do.

    That was probably last Saturday or so. Last Sunday I went to my church’s evening service still feeling this way. Before I walked in, I sat in my car and prayed to God to break me and do whatever was needed to get me where he wanted me to be. And let’s just say he did; big time. I’m not saying there was any completely life shaking truths revealed or that I realized I wasn’t saved, or I rededicated my life to Christ; we just had some good time together. After the normal sermon, the visiting pastor felt led by God to open the altar for prayer for anyone needing some for issues about there parents. It was so random and perfect (see the long post before the most previous short post) it could only have been God. I got prophesied over and really felt God’s reassuring nature over me and my life. God just showed me that he is still here.

    After the service, I went to Church Hill in downtown Richmond, a hill that over looks the enitre city of Richmond (it is the best view in Richmond). I took my Bible out there and just had son Father/Son time with my only real “Daddy” (as I’ve so aptly started calling Him). It was then for the first time that I truly felt that adoption that takes place when one recieves Christ; when you are seen as truly one of God’s children. He led me to Psalm 63:

    “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
    my soul thirsts for you;
    my flesh faints for you,
    as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
    So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
    beholding your power and glory.
    Because your steadfast love is better than life,
    my lips will praise you.
    So I will bless you as long as I live;
    in your name I will lift up my hands.

    My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
    and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
    when I remember you upon my bed,
    and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
    for you have been my help,
    and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
    My soul clings to you;
    your right hand upholds me.

    But those who seek to destroy my life
    shall go down into the depths of the earth;
    they shall be given over to the power of the sword;
    they shall be a portion for jackals.
    But the king shall rejoice in God;
    all who swear by him shall exult,
    for the mouths of liars will be stopped.”

    I realized just how desperate I have been for God, and how He has answered that desperation: He has answered it with the very thing he promised to His belivers in His Word – more of Him. Man, He’s incredible. There is no way all this isn’t real. I’m reminded of the C.S. Lewis quote: “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” Because I am a Christian, I take for granted all the things God has provided me and how He has shown Himself to be real. This is because the Christian life by definition is constant fellowship with the Creator of the universe. It’s sad to say, but this almost becomes too “normal” and “everyday” for some Christians and they forget all that they can see, sense, feel, know, do, and experience that non-Christians just can’t, or rather, don’t. I think that’s why in so many Psalms David wrote when he was in spiritual pain, he says things like “I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old.” David kind of gives this as the prescription of getting through times when it seems God has withdrawn His prescence from you. As Matt said, He’s trying to show us if He is enough for us to be satisfied; if we can rejoice and praise in Him merely because He is God and not because of anything He has done for/with/through/by us.

    I got to that point on Church Hill. God hit me with one really big realization that I just kept repeating over and over and over again to myself:

    He
    is
    God.

    He is GOD. As A.W. Tozer says, the first thing that comes to mind when you think of God is the most important thing about you. What does that word mean? GOD. We take that word so much for granted. Do we really understand how much weight that carries? This is the being that when asked who He was, He said, “I Am the I am.” He doens’t have to answer to us. We as humans should be satisfied just knowing one thing about God: He is. This is the Creator of the unvierse. In our English translation, during the creation account, our Bibles say that God said “Let there be Light!” But rather, the most literal translation of this phrase from the Hebrew is as an imperative where God more literally said:

    “Light, be.”

    That is strong. Just sit back and REALLY think of that: He is GOD. The very guy we worship and praise, and feel, and know, and have fellowship with is GOD. GOD!!! We think of the word GOD as being more of a name. No; it’s a title that GOD fulfills so much, it is His name. It’s like how every adhesive bandage is called a Band-Aid, when Band-Aid is a brand name, not what those things are called. The word GOD is the same way. The being that is GOD is the only thing that fully exhibits every charcteristic of the word so He is the only one that deserves the title. That’s why ever other god in every other religion is just god. Not GOD. There is no substitute, believe me. Believe me.

    I’ll end on Ryan’s response to my E-Mail:

    sorry things are down right now… Just remember, trials are part of the deal. They serve a very real purpose in our life of faith. Just keep puttin one foot in front of the other… When I am most down, I often try and remember a time when I was certin that God moved in my life… that usually builds my faith enough to not quit all together…

    You are going to make it fella! A good meditation might be 2 corinthians 1. It helps gain perspective on tough times…

    You are a mighty man. God loves ya, you are going to do mighty things… be strong friend(joshua 1.9 [“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”])

    When I get back I am really gonna need to go to chipotle!

    love ya man
    _ryan

    God Bless,
    — Paul<

    i just don’t know

    / Paul Burkhart / 3 Comments

    well, as of last night, my parents are in formal negotiations to get a divorce.

    This is a blessing and it hurts so much. My mom finally gets to get out of the Hell that is marriage to my father, but at the same time, you can imagine how much it hurts for her to pretty much say that the past 23 years of her life have been for nothing more than to raise two kids with great futures. She’s never been loved. My dad has stolen everything from her that every girl spends her entire life dreaming of. She didn’t get to plan her own wedding, her youth is gone, her vibrance is gone, her best chance at truly establishing herself in a career is gone, the submissive woman she was born as has been killed only leaving a hurting bitter woman. Chances are, she will never re-marry. She will never get to know what it feels like to be loved by a man that she can respect and serve. She will never get that.

    I really feel like God has told me time and time again, and even now, that she will die a happy woman, proud of her life and satisfied, but with everything she’s been through, felt, seen, done, and lost, I just have no idea how that can be. Does anyone know how it feels to have to recieve calls at least two or three times a week from your own mother in tears? Having to come to you for spiritual, emotional, relationship advice because there’s no one else out there. Her dad is going through so much pain and could die any day now that her parents have even said they don’t want to be involved because it’s just too much to worry about, and they can’t deal with it. Her sister has changed over to my dad’s side, and so my mom doesn’t have her. In short, there are only a few people in my mother’s life that she can talk to. Her aunt, who is the outcast of the family, a cousin who she hasn’t seen in decades, a few people at her job that really don’t know details, they just love on her, and then there’s my brother and I. The only two people that can really be her knights in shining armor that she never had, and my brother is so young that he doesn’t get involved. So that leaves me. I have a full course load, full work schedule, church responsibilities, fears about money, a career I’m trying to establish, and my mother to care for. I single-handedly have to be the husband she never had. Teaching her spiritual truths, guiding her in Scripture, and bearing the greatest emotional burden I’ve ever seen on any one human being.

    God has allowed this to happen to my mother for 23 years. WHY!!!!! The only way he has been glorified has been in the people my brother and I have turned out to be. We have broken the generational curse of my father’s family. It’s so easy for people to want to tell her to look at the blessings she doesn have and focus on those. Her children, her career, her . . . well actually that’s about it. It’s so easy for people to say that but what about faith? I was taught that faith was believing in the promises of God. The promises of God are that he wishes to prosper His people and many times through hard times. But he always gives people the grace and strength to remain strong through it. My mom wasn’t built for this. I feel I am the only person holding her together. She doesn’t have the strength for it any longer. She’s so worn out and tired. She lives everyday feeling the power of Satan within our household. She says it feels like this stench that just won’t go away, this slime that can’t be washed off. It permeates in everything that is said and done. She was made to be a loving, submissive, quiet Christian woman and was thrust into being the man of the house in everything because my father was so weak and unhelpful. She wasn’t made to do that. And people want to complain about her cursing and calling people names when she’s hurt by them. If you kick even the mildest dog long enough, even it will start to bite back after being hurt so much. Does that mean it’s the dog’s fault for being kicked? NO!!!! WHY ARE YOU LETTING THIS HAPPEN GOD!!!??? Where are you helping my mom? I love her so much, I’m caring for her so much. Don’t you see that if you save this marriage and end her pain now, you can be glorified so much more than if you let it die. WHY. why.

    For anyone that does just happen to read this, this is not typical doubting of God. If anyone answers this, please don’t give any shallow cliche Sunday School answers, because this is so horrible of a situation, none of you could understand the depth, length, width, and breadth of pain that my mother has had to go through. I am quite literally, as a 19 year old freshman triple major in college keeping my mother alive in more ways than one. This is such a burden. It hurts so much. All I can do is cry. I feel guilty ever mentioning anything to anyone because this isn’t an easy situation to explain, and most people don’t want to take the time to understand; and that’s understandable. Believe me, I know how much of a burden it is to bear, and I wish it upon no one. I don’t know what I need. I need my mom to stop hurting. That is my only desire. the other day I was praying in the Spirit for her, and while I was facedown on my floor, I cried out to God, to put her pain on me so that she no longer had it. Instead of doing that, he gave me a taste of that pain. All of a sudden, I could feel the Holy Spirit within me, choking, gagging for air, and I felt like such a huge weight was on me, I couldn’t get up. That was only a taste of the pain my mom and her soul go thorugh everyday. Everything around her reminds her of the failure that is the past 23 years of her life. And she followed God every step of the way.

    I’m not doubting God or losing faith in Him. I’ve seen His promises come true for everybody in my entire life, especially myself, except for my own mother. That’s what I just dont’ understand. She has been faith ful in every step God has called her to no matter how much more pain it put her in. She has been the strongest, most Godly woman I’ve ever known, and yet she is the most broken, bereaved, hurting, confused, dying, tormented, persecuted, lonely person I’ve ever known; and she just can’t do it anymore. Sh ejust can’t. She’s so, so very tired. I love her so much, I spend so much time talking to her, encouraging her, pushing her, trying to gove her strength, trying to sacrifice my life for hers the best I can as she did for me. Where is her reward. Not thorugh her sons, but HER reward. Where is her relief. She needs it. I want to take on her entire burden. I bleieve this has made me into a man that could handle it if I was able to. I feel like Joshua, having to hold up Moses’ arms with the staff during the fight. I wanna just hold the staff myself, and run down that hill and win the battle for her. I want to just give her the life she’s always dreamed of, the one she sacrificed for me. I want to be able to give her all that she’s never had, even though that’s not possible.

    Please, no one try to help. There’s really nothing anyone but God can do at this point and he doesn’t seem to be doing anything right now. Don’t worry, neither of us are losing faith or love for God, we just don’t understand Him. No one can do anything but pray. Just pray. That’s all that can be done. Just pray . . ..

    Just needed to vent and cry. Sorry for anyone that reads this and is burdened by it. That wasn’t my intention. I’ll wipe away the tears, and sleep, to wake up to one more day of smiling and telling everyone I’m doing okay, when I am so tired. But I’ve had 19 years doing it so don’t worry. I thrive on stress. Please just pray. Anyone and everyone. Just pray . . . That’s all that can be done.

    I swear I’m not turning emo again . . .

    / Paul Burkhart / 1 Comment

    God is good. Spring is evil. Spring is evil mainly for two reasons: First, the demon of Abercrombie skirts and halter tops returns to try and devour the souls of every Christian man trying to remain pure for his wife. The second reason why Spring is evil is that EVERYONE starts getting in relationships. Historically, I’ve been much more of a Winter/Fall dater rather than a Spring one, but I’m past the typical notion of dating.

    Anyway, on to my main point of writing this tonight. Currently, it is 2:12 in the morning. I feel safe writing in this blog because I am fairly confident no one reads it. I’m really not complaining. It’s kind of exciting being able to say stuff with the potentiality of someone reading it, but the safety net of knowing you can be a little more blunt and open because your audience will be so narrow if not non-existent.

    Okay, so is the bane of every 19 year old unmarried Christian male: I am lonely. Yes it hurts. No I don’t like it. Before I go on, I must reassure anyone who may read this that I am not whining, I am not struggling with any faith issues with God, and I am not regressing to where I was in high school where I get so focused on my own problems I lose sight of the Kingdom of God.

    Bottom line: The past month, month and a half, God has been working in me in the area of relationships. Through my family, through IV, through individuals, through Harvest, and through just individual prayer and Bible Study He has been building me into a man of God prepared to embark on looking to the future. As Robert said at Paideia on Sunday: “Marriage is for men. It’s not where you become a man.” I feel like God has forced me to become a man now, earlier than most guys for some purpose unknown to me. With that maturation, though, comes a natural desire to establish oneself in the natural place in God’s earthly manifestation of His relationship with us: Marriage; and with that comes a natural desire to start seeking out and pursuing relationships with women, or rather a woman.

    Here’s the problem: I’ve had my little “list” of women that filled what I wanted in a girlfriend/person to date/future wife for a little bit now. It’s only been this semester that I have actually met incredible strong women of God that have the same anti-cultural views of relationships as me that try to get as biblical as possible. Every girl on this “list”, though, seems to have fallen prey to the evils of Spring just recently by starting relationships on a deeper level (even if it’s not dating) with every guy around me BUT ME! Believe me, I’m just venting, I’m not whining. It’s just frustrating, you know? God has been building me up to the point where I now (for the first time) have the proper view of relationships, there purpose, there form, and their function. Would God really prepare me so early for a proper view of relationships just to not allow me to be in one? Maybe so. I don’t know. I learned the futility of questioning God’s supreme wisdom long ago. In my own earthly perspective, I feel like I am at a point where I can handle one of those few relationships that actually glorify God. If that is the case, human logic would say that God, wanting to be glorified in the utmost capacity of any human being, would provide a way for a relationship to develop because someone who can particpate in a relationship in such a way would glorify Him more with someone than without someone. Do you follow? I hope so.

    But in the end, I keep being reminded of the calling God has put on me – to just go crazy for Him with reckless abandon. To get into the Word every day and to cultivate and develop a real tangible active prayer life. Believe it or not, those are more at the forefront of my mind than my worries about relationships. I just want to glorify God, and I feel like God has been working in me in such a way that He is/was preparing to call me into a relatrionship in order to glorify Him. That is all I want to do. Wait! I got a better way to phrase it. It’s like God has given me an increased capacity to glorify Him and I am currently not working to full capacity. Sure, I get some blessings and benefits from a relationship, but only if my focus is the kingdom of God and preparing, creating, and maintaining a life that can expand and glorify that Kingdom. It gets me excited all through my body and soul just thinking about it. You know what? I feel better already. Thanks a lot World Wide Web. I’m still frustrated, I still have those desires, and I still have those feelings of loneliness that hurt a lot right now, but I just need to keep trusting in God.

    As Robert also said last night: “God did not tell us how to do this dating thing. He simply told us the kind of people we should be, gave us His Spirit, and then told us to trust Him.”

    God, I am trusting you. I feel like I am approaching the crest of the roller coaster. Please be with me. This is a huge thing for me to actually place into your hands with reckless abandon. Please take care of me and comfort my soul, O God. I love you so much. I have faith you won’t let me down and I must continue in that faith. May I continue to attempt to glorify you in all I do.

    — Paul

    singleness revised . . .

    / Paul Burkhart / 1 Comment

    My campus minister read my previous post and had some really good thoughts that actually changed a lot of the way I look at this topic.
    He said…
    ——————————————————–
    Hmmmm…

    Interesting thoughts. You bring up many points worthy of discussion (unfortunately, typing on a computer doesn’t constitute a conversation, so I will simply make some comments… my two cents, if you will).

    I would argue that God’s pronouncement that man not having a “helper fit for him” was “not good” does not necessitate that Adam felt any “need” for a companion (or that he was lonely, sad, or any other related emotion). The text is silent as to the emotional state of Adam. I think it safe to assume that Adam had no emotional response for having no helper fit for him (or, at the very least, his emotion response was inconsequential… if it were not, surly mention would have been made of it). From a strictly logical standpoint, how can one miss (or yearn for) what he as never known. In other words, how can Adam desire a woman (wife) when woman didn’t exist? However, if by chance Adam was “feeling alone”, it seems unlikely (and against the nature of a Sovereign God) that He looked at Adam and saw him upset about being alone and this in turn caused God to say, “I guess it is not good what I made… Adam is clearly alone and he needs me to make him a helper.” If God is simply reactionary to our emotions (more specifically, the emotions of the first man) I believe this belittles God supremacy and places man at the center of all things (A place he was not created to occupy – ref. Romans 11.36). I think the safest exposition here is that God’s declaration of man being alone was just that, a declaration.

    (ok.. I just had like an hour long interruption, so I have basically lost my train of thought… must go read again)

    In paragraph 2 there seems to be a pre-supposition that singleness = pain. While I can easily remember the desire to find “the one” when I was single, I definitely do not think that singleness should be considered painful (Paul… uh, the apostle, obviously thought that being single was pretty great – ref. 1 Corinthians 7.7).

    QUOTE: but rather only in looking towards God and seeking Him can we find the person that can fill that void. — While I don’t think there is a void, I do really like this point and believe it applicable to all areas of life (ref – Matthew 6.33).

    So, the 20 million dollar question from the third to last paragraph is, “if the next girl you date is not going to be your wife… why date her?” :o) I couldn’t resist. the real question is what is the purpose of dating? In “the church” there are so many opinions and terms in relation to dating and courtship… I consider it most critical that all single men and women examine his or her approach to relationships and truly seek to come to what they believe is God’s plan. Society has really messed things up and I think it is time for our generation to regain a proper approach to relationships and end this culture of divorce that prevails everywhere.

    QUOTE: As long as I seek His will, everything else will fall into place.

    — “Amen”

    Well, I’m going home. Thanks for making me think.

    _ryan

    “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

    ~socrates

    —————————————————-
    I think he is absolutely right, actually. Usually I’m not so easily swayed in these kind of things, but after reading his response, I couldn’t help but rethink things. I guess that’s why he’s the discipler and I’m the disciplee. Though I would argue the purpose of dating to be to get to know people, learn the dynamics of relationships, help you learn how to relate to others of the opposite sex, and so on; I totally think that modern society has distorted its function and form. Personally, I’m more of a fan of the courting method, but seeing as it’s hard to find others that agree, I think the same goals can be served through dating if done correctly with God as the center of the relationship. I know there are exceptions to every rule, and my campus minister is an example of that. The story of how him and his wife got together is amazing, and I am persoanlly aiming for that kind of relationship with someone, completely grounded and founded in friendship, selfless love, and Christ as the head. Other than the dating point, I totally agree with Ryan. Having someone romantically in your life should not be necessary to effectively serve God. In fact, many times (as Ryan points out about Paul, the apostle) being single is exactly what God calls people to be because you can better serve God in that capacity. Ryan told me one of the most amazing things the other day as we left lunch at Chipotle (yeah baby!). I told him about the loneliness I was feeling and that I was such a hopeless romantic I had all this “romanticism” built up inside of me (not sexual tension, mind you) and I really wanted someone I cared about so I could just shower them with this. He asked me to consider what that meant. What did it mean to “shower someone” with that? Inevitably, I realized, the outworking of those feelings would eventually become a physical manifestation of them, which would cause the inevitable physical complications found in most relationsips that I, admittedly, thought I was above by now. This made me praise God that He has in fact kept me from a relationship in the past few years that would become prey to the same complications that evey “normal” and secualr relationship falls to. Even as I write this, dating, or rather, serious relationships, or seeming more and more useless and in fact harmful to my Christian walk. I want to thank Ryan for saying that and making realize that even that romance I should be saving for my future wife, not just the physical manifestations thereof, and want to thank God that he has kept me pure thus far, and will continue to do so for my future wife, whoever she may be. So, whoever she will be, I love you, and just know that all this is being done, said, and worked out in me so that I can give you the most of me that I can.

    God Bless, everyone,

    — Paul <

    singleness . . .

    / Paul Burkhart / 3 Comments

    God really hit me tonight with some realizations about singleness. It all started with “the beginning . . .”: Genesis.

    Most everybody knows the creation story pretty well. Most people know that after each thing that God created, He said “It is good.” Well, I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this, but the first time that God ever says the phrase “It is not good” is in Genesis 2:18. The verse says:

    And the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

    This showed me a few things. Mainly, people are meant to be together. It is “not good” for people to be alone. We have each been created with that inbred desire for companionship. That pain of loneliness that we have all experienced at some point or another – some more often than others (speaking from personal experience) is a feeeling that comes natural to man. Notice also that God was saying this was “not good” before the fall of man. That means that the craving for someone to be with is a pain that is not a consequence of our sin nature.

    Following this logic, it is not a bad thing to feel this pain and experience it; it is not an evidence of spiritual deficiency or lack in anyway. Also, if this is a pain that comes from being human, it is a hunger that can only be truly satiated by God. I’m not saying that God Himself is supposed to fill that need, but rather only in looking towards God and seeking Him can we find the person that can fill that void. That said, if we are trusting God, then we can know that if we are experiencing singleness and the pain that goes along with it, it is only because God can be glorified greater through us being single than with someone. Thus, (here I indict myself some) we should accept the pain for what it is and embrace it, because it will only be that much sweeter when we do find someone.

    Also, these verses and the meditations reaffirmed even more my love and respect for women. Anyone that knows me knows the pedestal I put woman as a whole upon. I’m so old-fashioned, it frustrates some girls sometimes. Opening doors, doing the driving, and paying for them, is the proper way to treat a woman. Don’t worry, I’m not overbearing. I’ve always said that women were God’s greatest gift to mankkind. This verse supports that. John MacArthur said on his biblcal commentary on this verse that “This verse points to Adam’s inadequacy, not Eve’s insufficiency. Woman was made by God to meet man’s deficiency.” Amen. Psychologically speaking, women can set off chemicals and psychological responses in men that men could only dream about doing to women. The greatness of women are the reason they have my utmost respect and honor. I just can’t wait for my wife. I dream of treating her as much like a queen as I possibly can.

    In response to that, I conclude with this verse (one of my new favorites):

    For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.

    — Romans 8:24-25

    I pray to God for my future wife every day, and I just want to thank Him for her now, whoever she will be. I may have met her, I may have not; but in the meantime I’m madly in love with her. Don’t think I’m this weird creepy guy. I’m not. I’m just an overly-romantic dorky guy. I’ll keep dating. I’m not expecting the next girl I date or even my next girlfriend to be my wife. God will lead me to her, I don’t need to hurry things along. Learning from my parents, I am not going to prematurely marry the next person I feel “warm-fuzzies” for. In fact, I sometimes fear I’m going to be too picky.

    Right now, apparently God has called me to singleness and it definitely has glorified Him, even though it has definitely been painful. I’ve been ready for a relationship for a while, but I’m not going to look for it and end up screwing something/someone up. My creed when it comes to any realtionship is to take it slow.

    Something inside of me though does feel like someone is coming my way. . . I don’t know. Whatever God wants. As long as I seek His will, everything else will fall into place.

    God Bless,

    — Paul <

    some great quotes . . .

    / Paul Burkhart / 1 Comment

    I’m reading this book right now called “Desiring God” by John Piper. I just really started today and it has some incredible things to say. It’s basic thesis is that the pleasure we receive when we glorify God, is glorifying God. In other words, it is our duty and responsibility to take as much delight and pleasure in God, because that is what truly glorifies him in the end. It’s a concept called Christian Hedonism. It is full of amazing quotes and I’m just going to insert those quotes into this blog whenever I reach one to share them with the world!!

    Quote from C.S. Lewis’ sermon “The Weight of Glory”:

    “Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering anture of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

    “Sonnet of Many, For One” (a poem)

    / Paul Burkhart / 1 Comment

    To dream of One so fair,
    Is ne’er a dream come true.
    For as my waking moments pass,
    My Dreams fade out of view.

    Sights of Hopèd Real’ty;
    They elder year by year.
    Beloved changes, Lover not;
    They elder tear by tear.

    Mine eyes mock my scrut’ny-
    Same Ghost pervades my soul:
    Perfection manifest in One.
    Expectation, the Hole.

    Different Lips: “You’re the perfect guy!”
    Same Beauty: In beholden eye

    Copyright© 2004

    this is strange . . .

    / Paul Burkhart / 5 Comments

    blogging-keys

    Well, I finally did it. Succumbed to the will of the masses by creating my own blog. Honestly, it seems like everyone has a blog now days. It makes me wonder exactly how many people actually read other people’s blogs. More importantly, how many people are actually touched, affected, changed by blogs. Nevertheless, I am a very strong proponent of the concept of the exchange of ideas.

    I definitely exercised this concept more as election time was approaching. In one particular instance, a hallmate of mine ran out of her room in the dorm, into the room where I was in the middle of the typical pre-election scenario: me, the lone token southern baptist conservative on the super liberal city campus on the floor with all the art students, arguing about – oh, I mean “having a discussion about”- politics. This person, upon entering the room, said in response to the last comment I had made, “Why would you say that! Don’t you know that people disagree with you here? The only reason for you to say that is to try and hurt someone, because it’s not going to change their minds, it can only hurt them. Anyway, I think politics is stupid, talking about it gets us no where, and (as she looked at me, of course) some people need to get themselves straight before they start calling what other people believe wrong!”

    There was a short pause. She walked out of the room. We all just looked at each other, and silently decided with our eyes that the argu- I mean, “discussion” was over. Thus, I proceeded to my room, of course, frustrated.

    Now, not many people know this about me, and since this is my first blog, I feel this secret is still safe, because I doubt anyone will still ever see this post. Anyway, when I go into “deep thought” mode, where my subconscious feels like it’s on the verge of a great philosophical thought, I have the tendency to pace around my room, conducting an imaginary discussion, argument, debate, lecture, concert, poetry reading, or sermon to some imaginary audience – sometimes specific, sometimes faceless. As I pace I pretty much stream my consciousness about whatever topic my mind is contemplating. Some times out loud, but mostly mouthing my words in hushed tones, like you do as you’re typing something when no one else is around.

    On this particular occasion, I was streaming my consciousness on the topic of having opinions and its ramifications within the concept of the process of “idea exchange”. This was my thought process:

    Your opinion is the one thing that nothing on earth can take away. Sure, things can affect it, change it, and remove it, but only if you allow them the freedom to do it. Knowing this, the conclusion could be drawn that our opinions are of the utmost value within ourselves. Actually, I’m gonna make this deeper. Change the word “opinion” to “belief.” The ramifications of this are much greater. Okay, so within our own personal spheres, our beliefs are so precious, so personal. They are yours. Heck, they are you.

    The most important decision concerning their beliefs everyone must make in life (after of course, what they are in the first place), is to what extent they are going to let them into the world; what extent they are going to share them with others.

    Now there are two different ways to express one’s beliefs: through words (abstract), and through actions (concrete). Now when it comes to politics (the topic of contemplation that these thoughts stemmed from), one can pretty much figure out the active and verbal ways of idea exchange.

    Active (concrete): voting, working for a campaign, contributing money, parking a tractor in the reflecting pool, flying a plane into buildings in new york, creating a propaganda film, blowing up an abortion clinic.

    Verbal (abstract): conducting a debate, conducting a lecture, conducting a sermon, writing a manifesto, writing an editorial, engaging in a discussion, writing an opinion to a politician, preferably sans anthrax.

    Of course all ways of expression are not right. But they express an opinion nonetheless. Now, of these two modes of expression, two kinds of expression can be derived: “one-way”, and “two-way”. This concept is the most important to my conclusion.

    One-way expression is where you make an arbitrary statement, be it by your actions or words, and no one is there to rebut or support it. It is a letter, editorial, yard sign, act of terrorism, or (most important to my discussion) a vote. It is something where you run in, make your statement, then run away, without hearing a word about it.

    Two-way is just as self-explanatory. It is an engagement of ideas between individuals, groups, peoples, nations, societies, or unions. It also can be through either actions or words. It can be a debate, treaty, argument, statement signed by multiple nations, or eighteen United Nations resolutions that are never enforced, leaving us alone to prevent World War III and countless more future casualties than we have now. But I digress.

    Now here’s where my conclusions are drawn. Taking everything into account stated above, I say this to anyone out there who agrees with the girl from the initial confrontation that brought forth these thoughts:

    You have a right, not only by being an American, but also by being a human, to decide whether or not to express your beliefs – even about others expressing theirs. But, knowing that beliefs are so critical to being human, it is selfish, despicable, and wrong to humanity to conduct yourself in such a way as to imply you think yourself alone in your sphere of belief. In other words, you have every right to pick your mode of expression, but must accept its ramifications. How this applies to politics is simple: Philosophically speaking of course, no one has the right to express their belief in a one-way manner by voting unless they are willing to accept the ramification of that belief which is in its very nature two-way. If one is not willing to stand up, fight for, debate, and keep alive their own beliefs, they should not express it in a selfish one-way mode, like voting. If you don’t want to express you beliefs, fine, that’s not the problem. This throws back to the old adage where “if you don’t vote, don’t complain.” It goes the other way around too: If you don’t express your opinion of the issues to others, then don’t vote. I would not mind if the girl said all she did above and then didn’t vote. Then her level of expression would match the level of her mode of expression, but it did not in this case.

    Now for a metaphor to synch everything. I view beliefs in this case almost like currency. You can’t just pump more and more currency into the economic system of a nation. It lowers the value of the money. To maintain the value of the currency, there must be exchange. There must be give and take. Don’t just contribute to the system. It is selfish and contributes nothing to humanity and society as a whole. Either watch from the sidelines and give-and-take nothing or be an active participant in the world of ideas and beliefs and truly know what it means to be a human living to their full potential that knows exactly what they believe and why. It’s the same thing with God. Your beliefs and faith only become stronger through the adversity, ridicule, and debates. Those are the times when God, “removes your dross, and purges you of all iniquities.”

    I will never suppress anyone’s right to disagree with me and express it. None of the opinions above are based on partisan politics. Heck, even the girl that brought about all this thinking voted for Bush, and in case you haven’t figured out, so did I. Proudly. And everyone knew it.

    Personally, I thrive more on people not agreeing with me than people agreeing with me. That’s why I attend Virginia Commonwealth University, probably the most liberal college in Virginia in the middle of the most liberal area of Virginia instead of going to Liberty University, the most conservative Southern Baptist College on the East Coast. I, as my dad said once, “grow better in thorny soil.” And that is true.

    I guess this has been just a long way to say that blogs can be a good thing. They help contribute to the school of ideas out there in humanity across the globe. As long as there is exchange, I fully believe in this. That’s why people can reply to anything I put up. In fact I’m going to put on my white board right now my blog address so everyone I know can see this and reply. There. I did it.

    I tried to keep this blog as void as possible of personal beliefs, except for the philosophical conclusions drawn from my thoughts, but future posts will not be this way in the least. I am going to use this site primarily as my little space to personally record what God is doing in my life. Not necessarily for anyone else out there. More for myself. Tonight, I finally found a church home here in Richmond that finally did for me what I’ve been thirsting for for so long: It fed my mind more than my heart. Sure it touched me and it was an amazing experience, But most Christians live their lives from emotional high to emotional high, and getting lost somewhere in between. In Isaiah 1, God says, “‘let us reason together'”. God wants our faith based on reason and experience, not emotion. God knows that men cannot live on faith alone, hence why he did miracles. He knew some guy couldn’t just walk in, say “I’m God” and people would believe him. Anyway, the sermon tonight in this church was actually soul-stirring, emotion-whelling, but most importantly, very philosophical, very intellectual, very very deep and mature, and very mentally engaging. It brought me back to the place I need to be to get the balls once again to be as bold with my faith as I was with my politics. Sure everyone knows where I stand, but it’s not necessarily me. So far, at least to most people here, it’s merely a part of me. The part that no one talks about because we all want to stay friends. Well, we all are still friends after that heck of an election so we can stay friends through this.

    I guess that’s it for me. Many of the opinions expressed in this blog will reappear on this site many times in the future according to whatever thought I have for the day, but I’ll try to keep it interesting.

    God Bless.