God really hit me tonight with some realizations about singleness. It all started with “the beginning . . .”: Genesis.
Most everybody knows the creation story pretty well. Most people know that after each thing that God created, He said “It is good.” Well, I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this, but the first time that God ever says the phrase “It is not good” is in Genesis 2:18. The verse says:
And the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
This showed me a few things. Mainly, people are meant to be together. It is “not good” for people to be alone. We have each been created with that inbred desire for companionship. That pain of loneliness that we have all experienced at some point or another – some more often than others (speaking from personal experience) is a feeeling that comes natural to man. Notice also that God was saying this was “not good” before the fall of man. That means that the craving for someone to be with is a pain that is not a consequence of our sin nature.
Following this logic, it is not a bad thing to feel this pain and experience it; it is not an evidence of spiritual deficiency or lack in anyway. Also, if this is a pain that comes from being human, it is a hunger that can only be truly satiated by God. I’m not saying that God Himself is supposed to fill that need, but rather only in looking towards God and seeking Him can we find the person that can fill that void. That said, if we are trusting God, then we can know that if we are experiencing singleness and the pain that goes along with it, it is only because God can be glorified greater through us being single than with someone. Thus, (here I indict myself some) we should accept the pain for what it is and embrace it, because it will only be that much sweeter when we do find someone.
Also, these verses and the meditations reaffirmed even more my love and respect for women. Anyone that knows me knows the pedestal I put woman as a whole upon. I’m so old-fashioned, it frustrates some girls sometimes. Opening doors, doing the driving, and paying for them, is the proper way to treat a woman. Don’t worry, I’m not overbearing. I’ve always said that women were God’s greatest gift to mankkind. This verse supports that. John MacArthur said on his biblcal commentary on this verse that “This verse points to Adam’s inadequacy, not Eve’s insufficiency. Woman was made by God to meet man’s deficiency.” Amen. Psychologically speaking, women can set off chemicals and psychological responses in men that men could only dream about doing to women. The greatness of women are the reason they have my utmost respect and honor. I just can’t wait for my wife. I dream of treating her as much like a queen as I possibly can.
In response to that, I conclude with this verse (one of my new favorites):
For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.
— Romans 8:24-25
I pray to God for my future wife every day, and I just want to thank Him for her now, whoever she will be. I may have met her, I may have not; but in the meantime I’m madly in love with her. Don’t think I’m this weird creepy guy. I’m not. I’m just an overly-romantic dorky guy. I’ll keep dating. I’m not expecting the next girl I date or even my next girlfriend to be my wife. God will lead me to her, I don’t need to hurry things along. Learning from my parents, I am not going to prematurely marry the next person I feel “warm-fuzzies” for. In fact, I sometimes fear I’m going to be too picky.
Right now, apparently God has called me to singleness and it definitely has glorified Him, even though it has definitely been painful. I’ve been ready for a relationship for a while, but I’m not going to look for it and end up screwing something/someone up. My creed when it comes to any realtionship is to take it slow.
Something inside of me though does feel like someone is coming my way. . . I don’t know. Whatever God wants. As long as I seek His will, everything else will fall into place.
God Bless,
— Paul <
the long way home 
Hmmmm…
Interesting thoughts. You bring up many points worthy of discussion (unfortunately, typing on a computer doesn’t constitute a conversation, so I will simply make some comments… my two cents, if you will).
I would argue that God’s pronouncement that man not having a “helper fit for him” was “not good” does not necessitate that Adam felt any “need” for a companion (or that he was lonely, sad, or any other related emotion). The text is silent as to the emotional state of Adam. I think it safe to assume that Adam had no emotional response for having no helper fit for him (or, at the very least, his emotion response was inconsequential… if it were not, surly mention would have been made of it). From a strictly logical standpoint, how can one miss (or yearn for) what he as never known. In other words, how can Adam desire a woman (wife) when woman didn’t exist? However, if by chance Adam was “feeling alone”, it seems unlikely (and against the nature of a Sovereign God) that He looked at Adam and saw him upset about being alone and this in turn caused God to say, “I guess it is not good what I made… Adam is clearly alone and he needs me to make him a helper.” If God is simply reactionary to our emotions (more specifically, the emotions of the first man) I believe this belittles God supremacy and places man at the center of all things (A place he was not created to occupy – ref. Romans 11.36). I think the safest exposition here is that God’s declaration of man being alone was just that, a declaration.
(ok.. I just had like an hour long interruption, so I have basically lost my train of thought… must go read again)
In paragraph 2 there seems to be a pre-supposition that singleness = pain. While I can easily remember the desire to find “the one” when I was single, I definitely do not think that singleness should be considered painful (Paul… uh, the apostle, obviously thought that being single was pretty great – ref. 1 Corinthians 7.7).
QUOTE: but rather only in looking towards God and seeking Him can we find the person that can fill that void. — While I don’t think there is a void, I do really like this point and believe it applicable to all areas of life (ref – Matthew 6.33).
So, the 20 million dollar question from the third to last paragraph is, “if the next girl you date is not going to be your wife… why date her?” :o) I couldn’t resist. the real question is what is the purpose of dating? In “the church” there are so many opinions and terms in relation to dating and courtship… I consider it most critical that all single men and women examine his or her approach to relationships and truly seek to come to what they believe is God’s plan. Society has really messed things up and I think it is time for our generation to regain a proper approach to relationships and end this culture of divorce that prevails everywhere.
QUOTE: As long as I seek His will, everything else will fall into place.
— “Amen”
Well, I’m going home. Thanks for making me think.
_ryan
“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
~socrates
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I know this post is way old but i was just doing some nightly reading. As for myself I can only hope that whoever God has chosen to be my future husband will have that much respect for me and just have a sense of awe that i see in you about the child of God that I am.
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